


never alone (even in my head)

by junesuns



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, Ambiguous Relationships, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Don't copy to another site, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:21:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25752757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junesuns/pseuds/junesuns
Summary: There is a boy who haunts Mark’s dreams.
Relationships: Mark Lee/Na Jaemin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28
Collections: Mark Lee Birthday Bash 2020





	never alone (even in my head)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [occultclysms](https://archiveofourown.org/users/occultclysms/gifts).



> This is messy and confusing but at least I think it's interesting. Noah, this has the barest hints of vampires and enemies to lovers, so I hope that it is adequate.
> 
> Many thanks to the people who read this fic for me and cheered me on - Ace, Pamela, Rose, Sarah and Muski. I love y'all.
> 
> Enjoy!

Mark cannot say when he had first started noticing the boy who plays a starring role in each of his dreams. He has heard that some people only dream about the ordinary days they have lived through, or they simply do not dream at all. Sometimes, Mark wonders if he would give up the dreams he has, if he had a chance to.

He does not know what he would choose.

Everyone deserves a name, so he calls the boy who will not leave his mind  _ Nana _ . He cannot say why he chose that name. Maybe he had heard it in a song one day and it sounded right. Maybe it had called to him.

//

_ How do you know me? _ he wants to ask, when he sees the boy turn to him with happiness shining in his eyes, a grin on his face.  _ How do you know my name? _

_ Of course I know you, Minhyung. You are the one I love. _

* * *

There are some certainties in Mark’s life. The sun rises in the East. He left his childhood in Canada to travel to South Korea, land of his forefathers and the country assigned to him by the Bureau. 

He is a Hunter, protector of humanity and watcher of the night. He has trained all his life to serve, and he intends to honour the expectations placed upon his slim shoulders.

Mark is not bothered by the fact that there are many things expected of him. The Lee Clan is one of the founding families of the Bureau, and one of the strongest hunting clans in the world. They are also known for their ruthlessness against the supernatural community, and it is common knowledge that if a supernatural is in trouble with the humans, only the gods can help them if they’ve been caught by a Lee. Mark is not like the others in his clan. He believes in justice, and that everyone deserves a second chance, unless their crime is heinous enough to rob them of any chance of salvation. 

The cynical part of his mind, which has always sounded like Nana, tells him ‘ _ You pray to the gods, but they do not exist.’ _

_ Well, neither do you. _

He does not, of course, _ talk _ to Nana. Talking to someone who does not exist would be absurd. Nana is, at best, a construct of his own mind. Nothing more than that.

* * *

Nana has lived in his head for so long that sometimes, it almost feels like he is a real person. He has a distinct personality which is very different from Mark’s. An example—Nana is lactose intolerant, Mark is not.

A therapist would probably have a field day with this. Mark does not have a therapist, in spite of how much Donghyuck says he needs one.

“Look, I’m just saying,” Donghyuck starts, loudly slurping on his bubble tea to distract Mark from where he’s finishing a Chemistry problem set. “I can feel that you have a lot of unresolved issues you need to work through. Your aura is this terrible shade of brown. It's ugly as hell, man."

"Don't be ridiculous," Mark sighs, rubbing his eyes so that he can make sense of the second-last question. "I'm completely fine." 

Donghyuck’s face is uncharacteristically serious. “I’m worried for you, Mark. You’re either running around finishing stuff for the Bureau, drowning in assignments for college or going out on patrols. Ever since I met you, you’ve always been so busy working. You’re going to run yourself into the ground at this rate. The worst part is that you can’t recognize that this is unhealthy. Even if you won’t talk to me about any of your worries, I think you should at least talk to someone.”

Donghyuck was assigned to him by the Bureau when he landed in South Korea, to help him get adjusted to the changes he would face here. He quickly became Mark’s best friend, and is one of the few people Mark has met who is unaffected by his family status, due to the fact that he is a part of the same family. Donghyuck has grown up fairly removed from the family’s affairs, and has a strong disdain for the Bureau. If he could, he would be marching on the streets, demanding for better protection laws for the supernaturals and more accountability from the Bureau. 

He can’t do that because he’s a Lee, and sometimes Mark can see resentment eating away at him, the frustration at not being able to do more for what he believes in. But usually, he’s cheerful and driven, aiming to change the Bureau from the inside.

Mark admires that about Donghyuck. Sometimes, he’s a little envious because he feels that he has nothing to live for, apart from what is expected from him. That’s a depressing train of thought, so Mark does his best to stay away from it.

He’s happy with the way things are right now. He’s happy as he is right now. If he just says it enough times, perhaps it will come true.

* * *

The main reason why Mark isn’t complaining about the mountain of work he’s been given, is that he simply doesn’t want to go to sleep.

Ever since he came to Seoul, his dreams have been getting worse. Now, instead of daydreams and idyllic adventures, he dreams of Nana in pain. Dreams of him hurting, screaming, sobbing until his throat is too sore. 

Mark can hear his voice even when he is awake. He wishes that he couldn’t. 

He wonders again. He didn’t ask for this. He doesn’t want this shade hanging over him, haunting his thoughts and following his footsteps, begging him to look at him and never look away. 

_ Leave me alone! _

_ I cannot. _

* * *

It comes to a head when Mark falls so ill that he cannot lift his head up from his pillow. When he forces his eyes open, his vision swims and it feels like there’s a particularly enthusiastic miner hammering away in his brain. It takes all the strength he has to call Donghyuck and his cousin Taeyong, who is also his supervisor, to let them know that he’s not feeling well. Then, he lets himself sink into unconsciousness.

When he wakes up, his skin is clammy and there are strong hands making him sit up. He can hear Donghyuck’s voice whispering reassurances while the hands holding him up move to rub at his back. He leans into Donghyuck’s side tiredly.

“I should have known,” another voice says. “I should have done something earlier.” 

Was Taeyong here as well? Mark is well aware of Donghyuck’s dislike for Taeyong, and Taeyong’s heartfelt desire of not exacerbating tensions between them. They must have thought that Mark was seriously ill, if they had set aside their differences for him. 

“It wouldn’t have changed a thing, you know how headstrong he is,” Donghyuck murmurs, as Taeyong coaxes Mark into drinking a glass of water and swallowing some pills. “But I’d like to make sure that this doesn’t happen again.”

“Not anytime soon, that’s for sure. I don’t want my favourite cousin to die.”

“Of course you care about him more, hyung.”

“Hyuck—”

“Nevermind.” 

Mark can feel sleepiness overcome him, even as he worries about Donghyuck and Taeyong starting an argument again.

_ Go to sleep, sweetheart, we’ll take care of them later. _

Nana always knows what troubles Mark, and what to say to ease his worries for a while. Mark decides to listen to him and falls asleep.

* * *

When Mark feels a little better, Donghyuck lays down the law about his terrible work habits.

“Taeyong hyung’s given you a fortnight off. You are not to go near headquarters, touch anything related to the Bureau or even  _ think _ about the Bureau. I’ll be enforcing these restrictions, so you won’t have any chance of disobeying orders.”   
  
“Who are you, the Fun Police?” Mark says wryly. He had initially balked at the idea of all the work that was going to pile up in his absence but he is certain that if he disobeys Donghyuck, he’s going to make Mark suffer for it. Like the time Mark had accidentally poured coffee over one of Donghyuck’s reports. Just thinking about that incident makes Mark shudder.

“You can say so!” Donghyuck says smugly. “Today’s a rest day and tomorrow, I’ll take you  _ sightseeing _ .”

Mark groans out loud.

* * *

The sightseeing trip is a mixture of Donghyuck dragging Mark around and bribing him into buying trinkets and other things he doesn’t need. “These are valuable, Mark! These are going to remind you of this day whenever you look at them later!”

“And why would I want to remember this day?” Mark jokes, and yells in apology after Donghyuck punches his arm.

The last place they visit is Namsan Tower, and Donghyuck sulks as they climb the mountain because Mark refuses to ride the cable car. They spend a while wandering around the tower and the various attractions it offers before Donghyuck sneaks off and returns with two locks and a marker pen in his hands. 

“What’s this for?” Mark inquires as they head to the Roof Terrace. It seems to be popular with the tourists, considering that there’s a steady stream of people as they get closer to the terrace. 

“You’ll see,” Donghyuck replies, cryptic as always and Mark receives his answer as soon as they reach their destination. There are people clustered around the fence surrounding the terrace, and the fence is filled with locks. Locks which look quite similar to the ones in his friend’s hand. Mark turns to Donghyuck and gestures to the fence. “Really?”

Donghyuck nods confidently. “Really.”

“Why?”   
  
This time, Donghyuck’s smile has a strange edge to it. “For the memories.”

He doesn’t clarify on what he means and insists that Mark accompany him in hanging a lock because  _ I want to wish for a boyfriend and there is no way I’m doing this alone.  _ There isn’t much he can think of for a wish, so he just writes  _ happiness  _ \+  _ love  _ on the back of his pink lock. It’s a colour he would have never chosen for himself but the other lock Donghyuck chose is orange, and so bright it hurts his eyes. Then, he moves to the fence to hang it. It takes a moment to turn the key, and Mark allows himself to hope that maybe there is someone who has heard his wish and will bless him.

He turns to go back to the bench where he had left Donghyuck, and bumps into a stranger. He’s wearing a beige turtleneck and jeans, and his hair is a light shade of pink. That, combined with his stunning visuals, is enough to render Mark speechless. He looks like he’s around Mark’s age. The smile on the other’s face turns quizzical as Mark continues to stare at him. There’s something inside him which has started to scream  _ you know this, you know him, familiar, familiar, familiar. _

“I’m sorry, but is there something wrong?” The question brings Mark back to his senses, and he splutters in embarrassment. 

“No, no, I’m sorry for bumping into you! Are you alright?”

The man smiles, which flusters Mark even more. “I’m perfectly fine, don’t worry about me. This might be a little presumptuous of me, but have we met before?”

“No, dude, we haven’t,” Mark says, shaking his head. There’s still a niggling feeling that Mark is forgetting something important, but he dismisses it. “Because I’m sure I’d remember a face like yours for a long, long time.” 

Delight blooms on the man’s face, which makes Mark happy as well. “You sure are bold, pretty stranger. What’s your name?”

“My name’s Mark. Mark Lee. Human.” Mark says, extending a hand.

“I’m Na Jaemin. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

As they shake hands, Mark notices that Jaemin’s hands are cold.

**Author's Note:**

> Part of me wants to leave this fic as it is, a shadow of an idea and part of me wants to do some justice to these characters. Let's see what happens!
> 
> If you liked the fic, please leave a kudos and/or a comment! Give me that sweet, sweet validation.


End file.
